By Lindsey Hartz
She walks in to the room, glancing nervously around, trying to find her place. Women are everywhere and noise is crashing through the room in waves. Laughter, excited voices, smiles, hugs with new and old friends.
Thoughts run through her mind one after another, gaining momentum until she is almost in tears…
What am I doing here?
I don’t know anyone.
Why couldn’t I have dressed that way?
I don’t know where to go.
I don’t know who to sit by.
Will anyone talk to me?
Will anyone LIKE me?
I can’t compare.
And the last devastating thought, making her heart hurt and her fear mount higher and higher:
I don’t belong here…
She collapses into the nearest chair in the very back corner of the room, sinks way down into the chair trying to make herself invisible and small. Maybe if no one notices her, she can learn and then leave; rush back to her room alone, to welcome solitude and comfortable routine.
She sets her purse down on the table; in her haste knocks it to the floor along with her welcome packet and information. Papers scatter, wallet and notebooks and pens and snacks and the random child’s toy litter the floor around her and under the table. She stoops down, on hands and knees, red-faced and awkward, and starts to clean up.
From the corner of her eye, she sees a book, her Bible, which has fallen under the feet of nearby guests. Immediate peace settles around her as she says a prayer for protection. A gentle voice whispers in her mind “You are beautiful. You are mine. You belong. And I know my plans for you.”
She remembers why she came here in the first place; a first step towards a writing journey to share His story of grace, redemption, freedom, love. An act of obedience to her Father even though that act is so against her nature and outside of her comfort zone.
Her fear melts away, her insecurity fades, as she clings to the One who is her all.
And as the conference days pass, she learns exactly what God wants her t o learn; meets exactly who God wanted to place on her path; and leaves her worries, her comparisons, and her fear at the feet of her Father.
And so, the wallflower blooms.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.
-Jeremiah 29: 11-14, NIV
We all have our own insecurities and doubts. The key is to trust in a Father who knows exactly who you are and what He plans for your life. If you have felt led to attend a conference for the first-time, or even the second or third or fourth, remember to set your fear and worries aside and focus on the many wonderfully unique gifts you have to offer others and the many new things you will learn from others.
Application questions:
1. How would you define your version of fear?
2. How is this fear keeping you from experiencing God’s plan for you?
3. What circumstance or belief do you need to let go of in order to believe and trust in His plan?
About The Author:
Lindsey writes about her newfound faith on her blog, A New Life. Her hope and prayer is to reach other women with a message of God’s grace, love, and mercy.
Twitter: @LindseyHartz
Facebook: Lindsey Hartz
Your Thoughts